Oh look who actually got dressed up?!?!?! Shocking right? Well the railroader was actually off for once so I thought I'd get all hussied up for him to take me out to lunch;) After looking at these pictures though, I realize belting a dress across my ribs isn't a great look for me. Im built like a line backer up top, well a midget line backer that is since I'm a whole 5'2". My ribcage is HUGE so it just accentuated that and makes me look like I need a cautionary sign that says WIDE LOAD hahaha
Now, I got to thinking the other day about getting old and how your body changes in unexpected ways. Not to mention the things you find yourself thinking and saying that 13 yr old you never ever thought would happen. I thought I'd share with y'all....caution vulgar!!!
Things I should have been warned about getting old
- After breastfeeding 3 babies your nipples will hang down to your belly button! You will have to eventually pick them up and place them in your bra cup. If your bouncing around bra less you can contain them in the waistband of your sweats. And if you *uhummm* have your nipples pierced and your belly button USE CAUTION they may become tangled ;)
- You will wake up one morning and realize the Grand Canyon has taken up residence in between your eye brows in the form of a giant wrinkle! I swear this happens overnight and no amount of Spackle will rectify this.
- You will grow hair where women have no business growing it! For example your chin, out of Helga moles (yet another lovely factor of growing old) on your toes and in your ass crack! Don't believe me? Bend over in front of a mirror.....I'm sorry
- You will discover thong underwear are actually a torture devise developed by the Nazis. However if you are one of the unfortunates to develop hemorrhoids they can work as a roid tourniquet.
- You will think you hear the sound of a cat dieing only to be informed by your children that, that is actually what passes for good music to the young hip crowd. And you will subsequently yell "Turn that noise down, its making my ears bleed" Annnnddddd 13 year old you just officially died.
- You will see young girls walk by and say out loud (cause old folks talk to themselves in public) "Her mother let her out of the house looking like that?" Annnnddd 13 year old you was revived only to be killed again by this comment.
- Your children will not know what a cassette tape is let alone an A track. They will never know what it is like to have to manually change the tv channel and ask you if an Atari is a name for an avatar.
- You will find coffee is your life's blood and without it you are homicidal.
- You will forget what your natural hair color is because you refuse to look at the Rouge streak of grey for even a day and subsequently dye your hair religiously every 4 weeks.
- Tweezers will be your best friend. They work as a great hedge trimmer to keep the uni brow at bay, not to mention the aforementioned chin and Helga mole hairs.
Consider yourself warned. Your welcome!
Outfit deeds: Dress & belt Target, Tights & sweater walfart, Boots ross?
Hope you enjoyed!
xoxo the Rebel